found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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