how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
