just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
