she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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