Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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