how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
