Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
