no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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