it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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