Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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