I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
