Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
