I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
