So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
what day is it and did you see me today?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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