Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
