hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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