I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
