afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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