If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize