Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
