I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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