I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
