Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
