i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
