i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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