fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
