just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
