I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
