So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
