'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
