can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
