Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
