you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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