overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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