We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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