what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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