then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
