Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
