The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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