We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
