Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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