I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
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so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
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I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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