Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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