He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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