Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He kissed a someone with a penis
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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