pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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