I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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