I like my sex mixed with concussions.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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