well I can't set my house on fire every night
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
