If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore