I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
