I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
