So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
