it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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