What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
