he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
