Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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