she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
