my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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