Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
