I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
