someone get that fucking seahorse.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
