I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
