A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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