like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
