He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
