Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
